Talking to children about naming their body parts and reducing shame and stigma is only part of what needs to be done to prevent abuse. In previous posts I have talked about allowing children to decide who they hug and kiss (including family). I want to add another piece of the puzzle: a more in-depth conversation about the body.
Most of the time abuse prevention educators tell children that no one should touch their “private parts,” but why stop there? I know as an adult I have felt that it’s not ok for certain people to touch me at all, whether it’s a pat on the back, touching my shoulder, whatever. Why don’t we allow children to do the same? We need to teach children that they are the bosses of their own body. This concept goes way beyond private parts. Adults should even respect when children say they are tired, hungry, in pain, or have to go to the bathroom. How many times do we tell children to ignore what their body is telling them?
Not only do I educate people about Child Sexual Abuse, I’m also a parent. I tell my daughter that her body is always right. Her body tells her when she is around someone who makes her nervous (adult or child) and she knows to be more cautious. Her body knows when she is sick, hungry, or tired. When we allow children to listen to their bodies, they are more likely to share with us when they feel uncomfortable. If we don’t allow them to listen to their bodies, they learn to ignore the body with potentially devastating consequences.
So, if someone hugs a child and she or he does not feel comfortable, then to that child that is a bad touch. We should also teach children that hitting, pinching, punching, and pushing are bad touches. It’s amazing how this type of contact is often excluded from body safety education. We need to teach children (and adults) to respect other people’s bodies at all times. This goes beyond sexual abuse. Imagine how different the world would be for children if they were told their bodies are to be respected at all times in all circumstances.
Amazing piece Billye, Thanks! I will definitely share this with others. I hope all is well with you and Kira!
Okay, I had to read this twice. At first I thought you were blocking out adult’s affection and creating little antisocial children who can’t be touched. Then as I read it again I seen the autonomy we can foster in children if we teach them not to have their feelings stifled by our adult ways. At first I read this seeing through the eyes I was raised with and my own parental relationships. When we raise our children we don’t always see the harm or how stifling our directive or lack of directive can be. Making them kiss Auntie with that big mole or allowing them to be hugged when it’s clearly not what they want to do, can strips them of their inner judgement and changes what forcible touch looks like. Yes, lets call an apple an apple not the red fruit.
Thanks for reading and sharing Lamont! We are doing well on our end.
Hi Eunice,
Thanks for reading the post twice and giving it a chance! The purpose of body safety is to teach children to be aware of their own bodies and decide who they allow in their space. It’s about children sharing affection with people they are most comfortable with and being allowed to refuse when they are uncomfortable.