Do you remember what you were first told? Was it “don’t talk to strangers”? Or was it “beware of perverts who will try to grab you off the street”? Was it just girls who were told this, or were boys told this, too?
Do you remember being told who the stranger might be or what they might look like? It was usually a man, right? And he is always an adult, right? And, he would typically be someone who looked different from the men currently in our lives, right? As children, we were often left on our own to decide whether every male stranger was a potential threat.
What about the media, children’s books, and how we have been socialized to treat people who are different from us?
We were consistently told we needed to fear unknown strangers. We were also told they posed the greatest risk to us as children.
This myth has put more children in harm’s way because we never talk about the reality. Here is the startling reality:
- 90% of children are sexually abused by someone they know,
- Boys are just as much at risk as girls,
- Women are also perpetrators of sexual abuse towards children, and
- 40% of children are abused by someone under the age of 18.
Some may be reading this and silently thinking “I know that stranger danger is a myth.” But for those who know this, are you telling children the truth or speaking up about it? Or are you silently playing along? When you do hear the myth of “stranger danger,” are you challenging that? What is the consequence of not speaking up? The consequence is children abused by someone they know and not knowing what to do!
What is important to understand is that it is very often someone who is important in the child’s life that will sexually abuse them.
These people are family (including siblings), friends, teachers, coaches, and the list goes on. Many times we complicate matters by telling children never to question authority figures – especially in the family. Is it any wonder that children do not disclose their abuse?
We often let ourselves off the hook by not taking responsibility for the things we do daily that make children vulnerable to abuse. Although Child Sexual Abuse still remains a silent epidemic, we all can do something to stop it.
Here is what you can do today to make a difference: do not perpetuate the myth of stranger danger! Speak up! There are ways to educate children without scaring them. One of the ways is to simply allow children to set their own boundaries. More next time.
Thank you for this post. Another thing I’ve often wondered about is why it’s always “sexual abuse” or “molest.” We seldom use the word rape with child assault. Maybe because it’s all horrible and penetration doesn’t have to happen to scar us for life, but sometimes I’ve wondered if it minimizes it too.
Thank you for reading the blog and for your comments. Many people agree with you about using the word rape and many survivors describe their experience as rape. I don’t use the word in the blog because it is often associated with a physical act. I am trying to expand the definition of Child Sexual Abuse to include the non physical forms of abuse which get little to no attention.
The stigma of “stranger danger” has been embedded into our society for too long. It is up to parents, family, and educators to put these statistics out in the community so as to be aware of the reality of who the perpetrators of sexual abuse are.
Thank you for your comments Deanna. I agree we need to educate people about the real facts when it comes to Child Sexual Abuse. This is the only way we can keep children safe!
Penn Teller busted this myth in their Showtime show Bullshit , the episode about Stranger Danger . Watch a clip from this episode click here
Thank you for sharing the link but it is not showing up here and I’m not sure why. I will check out the clip!
These fears are compounded by the anxieties of parents, who, as well has having realistic fears about the dangers their children face in their external environment, also have completely unrealistic fears based around modern folk tales of the likelihood that their children will fall victim to stranger danger. Many children gave examples of accidents or near-accidents they had experienced as pedestrians and cyclists, and spoke of the fear of becoming lost, which was compounded by the dangers they believed they faced from strangers.