Every day in the news, there are more and more stories of famous men being accused of rape, sexual assault, sexual harassment and sexual misconduct. As a result of these recent allegations, we see powerful men experience the consequences of their behaviors. We also see hundreds of women and men come forward to share their stories. A year ago when I saw the access Hollywood Tape, I felt hopeless and believed my work had been set back at least 15 years. Fortunately, there is a shift today! This post blog is not trying to dissect the “why” about child sexual abuse, but to remind everyone that Child Sexual Abuse is about power!
There is always an assumption that sexual abuse and sexual violence is about sex it almost never is. Child sexual abuse is about dominance, exerting one’s control over someone else, exploiting someone more vulnerable. It is about taking advantage of one’s position of authority, status, and relationship with a child or youth to exert power over them. If you look at all the allegations in the media you see the same theme–the survivors are often younger, have less status, and dependent on the abuser in some way (as a boss, mentor, or role model). In most cases of sexual abuse, the person knowingly uses his or her power to abuse others.
If children and youth see all these allegations and the resulting consequences of this appalling behavior, will we see more children disclose abuse? The simple answer is no! Most children, 90% percent or more, know their abuser. They are often abused by people they know, love, and trust. Often children tell and they are not believed. They cannot go to the press, the District Attorney’s office, change schools, quit jobs, quit their sports team or move out of their homes. In order for any effective action to happen, children must rely on adults in their lives to believe them and take the necessary steps to keep them safe.
I know many of you are encouraged by the shift, but I want you to remember not every person who reports abuse is believed. Most will never see their abuser receive any consequences, get an apology, or accept responsibility for the harm they have caused. Please remember for every allegation you see in the press, there are thousands that go undocumented. Children cannot band together to “out” their abusers because they have no power or status. They are at the mercy of the powerful in their lives- family, friends, teachers, coaches, and mentors. I am asking all of you to remember only 1 in 10 children will disclose their abuse while they are children. Do not get lulled into a false sense of security. Take active steps to keep the children in your life safe.
Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash